Shut it Ann

The loud motormouth is on the block again. Aaaw. Dammit. It's driving me crazy and I don't like it very much either. My vocabulary expansion is directly proportion to the shortage of temper in my veins. The week has gone by so fast and I feel like I'm having a speed sickness, again, aaww man. 

• Meditate more
• Relax
• Breathe
• Chant more
• Eat well
• Sleep well
• Concentrate!

I would like to think that that checklist above would do the trick. I mean, yes it would! It would, it would!

An After Dinner Episode

Posted on April 18


Bullying, Fraternities, Teen Angst, Teenagers, Delinquents, aand the list goes on and on. Beloved parents plus truly yours accidentally discussed all of the above right just after tonight's dinner.


Ma: .they're having a Good Parenthood seminar at the..blah, blah, blah.
Pa: Well, that's good at least ******* has a concern about that kind of issue


Fastforward..and I'm kind of skipping all those areas that er, stuffs.


Ma: It's about for the teenagers na naglalayas, early pregnancies, and the rebellious teens
(as if their daughter isn't on the way to be one, the rebel, that is)
Pa: It's the fraternities that should be blamed
Me: (butts in) No, fraternities aren't the only ones to blame and I've come across with fraternity members and they're all decent and civilized naman. Case to case basis lahat yan.


Fast forward to bullying.


Ma: ...she is bullied sa school palibhasa daw kasi yung mga gamit nung bata eh iba dun sa gamit nila. The other classmates are sent to school in cars and she's not, they live in a three-storey house and them on a bungalow. Blah blah blah blah.


Ugh, just didn't have the guts to say that as if their daughters won't tell the same story too. Just didn't have the chance to rant na din siguro. Just what the other "bullied" kids would do, sulk and hope that it would pass. I would've got up at the dinner table that minute but I can't. Well, bullying is a very big issue that's so big it's often missed. 


Sadly, some bullied kids have this tiny "someday plan" inside. It won't go away, it's just there.


Though it isn't clearly shown in the post my point there is that they don't have any idea about bullying. Zero. I hate how they talk about it and the truth is they don't know what is really happening inside the school walls. Those kind of things drives me crazy.

Posted on April 11 7:18am


It's so very easy to fall into the trap of hurting someone with words. How can I avoid it? I have the slightest idea. I do exercise the habit of breathing deeply when I'm mad before uttering any human word, the problem is all the steam get stuck inside of me like inflating a balloon inside that will eventually explode any time soon 
or the counter effect will be something illegal activity in me.


Guilt is that one poison that eats up someone inside. I do look at it as some suicide that doesn't have the intention to kill. It's just there. It's a feeling that takes time to go away. Guilt gone is like the feeling of dying, 
though you didn't die at some point, feels like you were reborn again.


Though how honest-to-goodness I try hard it just can't be tied. Getting involved in an argument (specially with the 'rents) can't be controlled either, now that I have my own reason and any other blahs, I always do have that "regret later" tendencies. I also have those; "is it better if I argued, or just followed"? I really really don't know. Compromising on the other hand is wonderful but still, it did hurt.


I'd be setting up a goal to be a better speaking person. I'd be finding ways on how will I help myself enhance my speaking and people relating skills so that in some way I'd be lessening the tendencies of hurting people with my words.


I don't want to be hurt so I want to be very very careful on how can I hurt others too.

Posted on April 11 at 1:58am


Luck is pouring still in my waiting grasps.


It is to remind me that I am still in good terms with the goddess of luck (with continuous chanting on the side) by having to belong somewhere. Never in my life have I have the feeling of belonging somewhere and it seems that I am having the en route. Just joined the "Support" group with my sister and is hoping to pass the interview on July. So excited, and nervous.


While some things are still on a dormant gray area, my mother finally getting that wall clock will remind me that time is on our side and moving. Sundays will be consisted of morning to afternoon/afternoon dance practices. Aaaand that would be keeping my mind from straying, at the moment (wish I got that right.)


Then again, I am always open for surprises.

Posted on April 8

There's a very fine line in waking up late and hallucinating and in waking up on the other side of the bed . It's horrible, really. I'm kind of terrified and shaky at the moment. My quirky antics aren't working and my cheerful facade seems to be running out of spark

I should have thought about these "future stuffs" and everything. It's like I've been broken up on a very heavy reverie by splashing a bucket of ice-cold water (with those poor ice cubes) in my face. Then that explains the make-up melt down.

I don't know if I'm really on a very stable steadfast right now, but I have a funny feeling that I don't.

Last night wasn't brilliant as well, except that I'm dog-tired and I just kind of drifted to sleep in a flash.

I'm quite of hating that I can't really pinpoint a certain topic or idea, but it's the way how it goes. It's better this way. On some point, I really don't want to rant out very much.  I haven't even cleared up my murky mind so I don't want ending up really weird. I'm really not good at using metaphors but some may get the point.

Posted on April 7

Voila!

And I'm only a few months away from the age of the melt down, need to prepare a good quality breathing apparatus because I'll be having a one helluva big splash. Exciting.

Events for the past few weeks was like being in a psycho-trauma center with hippies as companions and I may (quite) proudly state that I got caught in a whirlwind of crazy randomness (maybe that explains also my constant bad hair days last week, ugh) but I got my feet on the ground now.

Also, the Friendship Cultural Festival this July is a fast one slipping. Unfortunately, I didn't catch a fish. My sister is part of the Boys and Girls Section and will be having something to do then obviously. How amazing, and then I'll be on the lobby to wait for her.

I have two months to go. Gotta fasten my seatbelt. Don't wanna be left-out this time. I've been waiting for this flight since forever.